Trans FAQs (Frequently Anticipated Questions)

Not according to all the modern science! That’s right, your 8th-grade biology class was overly simplistic! As it turns out, gender comes down to a lot more than XX and XY. It would be more accurate to describe being transgender as a mental condition, present from even before birth. At least, that’s our current understanding of it. For whatever reason, my brain developed differently than my body did in the womb. Turns out my brain wasn’t too happy about that and desperately tried to send me signals about it my whole life. Problem is, those signals were a little too subtle, and it took me almost 24 years to realise what they meant.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to have a girl’s body, although those feelings were buried deep under a pile of internalised transphobia, and it was only last year that I realised those feelings are not normal and made me trans. Research has shown that people have a gender identity (gender of their brain) and birth sex. For most people, they match up. For some, like me, they don’t.

Besides, even if it was a mental illness, it’s one that can only be helped by starting hormone replacement therapy. The alternative is to just suck it up and live depressed – no thanks!

It’s amazing and it also sucks at the same time! On the one hand, I’m finally living the life I’d always dreamed of and can be my real self. On the other, gender dysphoria is an absolute bitch to live with. It’s exhausting to constantly doubt yourself and look at parts of your body and just feel miserable. Being trans is hard. Voice training is hard. Dealing with transphobia is hard. Is being trans worth it regardless? Absolutely. Despite the challenges, I feel incredible for the first time in my life.

I have been extremely blessed when it comes to my experience. Everyone I came out to before going public with my transition gave me only love and acceptance. This made it so much easier and gave me the courage to go public with it much sooner. This isn’t the case for many trans people. Many trans people lose friends, work and even get cut out of their own families. It breaks my heart that people in my position suffer for being themselves, and I am eternally grateful that this has not been my experience.

Probably because most trans people are treated as subhuman! The high suicide and self-harm rates of transgender people is an absolutely massive talking point for transphobes. I’m not an expert here, but my guess is that the suicide rates of trans people have very little to do with actually being trans. It probably has more to do with the death threats and the violence against trans people than anything else. When you bully and harass people constantly, they tend to develop some mental health issues.

Shocking, isn’t it? If everybody started treating trans people as people, maybe those numbers would drop.

Who?

Okay, seriously though. Billionaire who has made it her life’s mission to persecute some of the most vulnerable people in society? I’m not exactly her biggest fan, even if I did finally start to like Harry Potter a few years ago.

Rowling is actually one of the most dangerous kinds of transphobes out there because she is very intelligent and is able to write persuasively. Her essay on trans people comes across as quite reasonable at first glance. Dig a little deeper, though, and you’ll find that she has filled it with deliberately misinterpreted information, dog whistles and lies. You can read more about all that in this excellent essay if you’re interested.

Okay, this is one I’m not touching with a ten-foot pole. I’ll leave the decisions here to people much more knowledgeable on sports and trans people than I am, and I recommend you do the same.

What I will say is that this is the perfect example of making a mountain out of a molehill. Trans athletes make up the tiniest portion of the trans community, so focusing on the issues around trans people in sports is just ridiculous. It’s another talking point transphobes love to roll out to add to their argument that cis = good and trans = bad. How about instead of fixating on the sub-1% of trans people who are professional athletes, we focus on the 99% who are just trying to live their lives in peace?

I wish I’d known what being trans really meant and been presented with the option to transition as a teenager. Would have saved me a lot of pain over the next decade.

This is another highly contentious issue that tends to be wildly misunderstood thanks to transphobe nonsense. People argue that children haven’t developed enough to make such a huge decision for themselves, and I can see where the concern comes from. The thing is, it is extremely difficult for children and teenagers to begin a medical transition, at least in most countries. Even after working with a psych for ages, younger children will likely only start with puberty blockers, which are completely reversible. It isn’t until they’re older and more capable of making life-changing decisions that they can undertake any permanent changes.

Children generally know if they are trans. If I’d known that transitioning was an option, I absolutely would have wanted to do that before becoming a teenager. With the amount of gatekeeping in place, the chances of a cisgender child starting a medical transition because they think they’re trans is extremely low. Transitioning is much more effective the younger it is started because once you’re an adult, your body has been permanently changed in many ways by puberty. Letting children transition, with the right amount of barriers in place, saves lives.

Before puberty, girls and boys are almost exactly the same except in presentation. What harm is there in letting your child be comfortable with themselves? If your kid says they want to be a girl, what’s the problem with embracing that? Let them change their name, grow their hair out and start wearing skirts. That’s all completely reversible. If the child isn’t trans, they’ll grow out of it. If they are, you’ll be saving them from years of pain and suffering.

Yes! Well, pretty much. It completely depends on your intention. If you want to learn more about trans people and are being genuine, I promise not to get mad at you no matter the question. I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to, but in most cases, I’ll be completely comfortable with it. This more applies to people I know personally, since I can’t be a trans AMA for everyone all the time, but heck, even if you’re a total stranger you’re welcome to try.

What is the appropriate way to ask me a question completely at random about my transition? For starters, keep it as private as you can. If you bump into me on the train, that’s not really a good time to be bringing up that I’m trans. Maybe just send me an email or a message instead. As for how to ask the question itself, just lead into it. Don’t message me and say, “How long have you been on hormones now?” Instead, you could say, “Hey Jade, I just thought of you randomly and wanted to check up. How is the hormone treatment going? How long has it been now?”

I love talking about myself and my transition, but I’m pretty shy and don’t tend to do so unless asked about it. So please, do not be afraid to reach out with your questions, no matter how silly they might seem! I’m here to educate and help you better understand trans people, or at least my experience.

Again, this specific question/answer is more for people who know me personally, but I’m happy to chat about some stuff if you’re a stranger too. Can’t hurt to try!